Monday, May 28, 2007

first born

today is my "little" girl's 14th birthday! dear lord where did that time go???!!! we are ensconced in the teenage years. puberty, hormones, mood swings, attitude, growing pains, you get the picture... head butting at its finest. but no matter how frustrating it gets, and it does, you will always be my baby. my first born. you made me a mom. and forever changed my world. the days of me were gone and it was now us. and it was us 2 on our own for the first few years. (and nanny) being a parent is hard work, but being a single parent is downright crazy at best. but you were meant to be. you are here, and here now for 14 years, and i am happy. i do love you no matter what you think. i remember all too well butting heads with my mom, so i guess it is just the way of things. the right of passage for moms and daughters. but oh how i wish it were easier. i wish you could see life through my eyes and that i may not always be right, but i mean the very best. i want the very best for you, your future. wether that be college or work or family, i just want strength and happiness and love in your life. life is hard enough, so just relax honey. time goes too fast. slow down a bit, be silly, be a kid, be a girl. don't grow up too fast.
happy birthday Taylor
mom loves you.

i have been reading the vast blogs tonight and came across this particular post and seems more than fitting for your birthday. a wish of a mom for a daughter....i hope you like it as much as i did. or maybe i am just feeling a bit melancholy it being your birthday and all. these years put a giant mirror up to all my short comings as a mom. they are huge and ugly at times. reading this made me remember the hope i was filled with giving birth to you. i still want all these things for you, i just may have been side tracked on how to get them for you and now you will have to find your own way...

"raising a young woman to be as brave, as beautiful, as wild of heart and mind, as strong and as witty and as intelligent as I have known women in the world to be. This girl, she would be big-eyed and big-hearted, she would be an explorer an inventor, a poet a model an academic a scientist a teacher a devotee a rebel and a force to be reckoned with. She would know how safe she is in the world and how many her blessings are. She would be the kind of woman who terrifies the boys when they're young, and leaves them desperate with longing for her when she gets old. She will know her own mind and her own heart and not compromise for anyone. She will understand how to fail, how to fall down, how to suffer setbacks and she will have some kind of larger perspective on suffering, her own in particular. This girl she will drink life like it's the sweetest wine, and even when the taste is bitter she will drink and drink. And I will raise this girl, not to BECOME any of these things not to presume that I am the creator of any of these things in her, but I will be the one, perhaps, to remind her of all these things if she ever happens to forget. I will keep her safe, I will try to be a nest for her to nuzzle into and to fly away from, when the time comes. I will brush the dirt from her eyes so that she can see where she's flying and I will love her without conditions, until the day I die. "

well said.
wish i had said it.
but found it for you , and me

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