i think i will be MIA this week.
i am swimming in momma emotions.
kellen has reached a giant milestone, kindergarten age.
when taylor began kindergarten SO many years ago now (she starts her junior year of high school this week! ) i was a full time working mom. she had been lovingly cared for by my mom for her first 2 years, then a she attended preschool, and then kindergarten. the letting go began early on for she and i. when i had her i was young and single, and working was a necessity. this time around motherhood has been completely different. these babies planned and had in a time when i was afforded the great gift to be a stay at home momma. thus forging a beautiful bond between kellen and i. i can count on my hand how many days he and i have been apart in 5 years. now the very thought of seeing him climb on a big yellow school bus and drive away from me for 8 hours has me so very broken up. i knew it would come, i knew i would miss him, i was unprepared for how it would hit me like a freight train. i can't even type this without tears. i feel like my heart is suddenly on the outside of my body, exposed, raw. now HE on the other hand, is super excited. we have been talking about school and art and music and friends and teachers and buses and lunch boxes and playgrounds and recess and reading and he just lights up! he comforts his sister by telling her he will get off the bus and "run into her arms" and then come home and be her teacher and teach her everything he learns at school. (i will not be the only one missing him so) he grabs my cheeks and tells me he will miss me and i will miss him, (he has NO idea how very much) and i nod and smile and fight back the waterworks with all my body. so please be gentle with me this week. i think perhaps i will post some of my favorite photos of kellen. revel in all the time we have had together thus far, and plan a few extra special times for us this week. thursday is his big orientation where we get to meet his teacher and classmates and take a bus ride together. then next tuesday (after labor day weekend) he will climb that big yellow bus and ride to his next big adventure... and i will smile and wave and be his very biggest cheerleader. my heart will swell with pride and joy for him, yet silently break all at the same time.
“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings.” - Hodding Carter
i think i have forged some wonderful strong roots, i am struggling with the wings.