Monday, August 31, 2009

roots and wings


i think i will be MIA this week.
i am swimming in momma emotions.
kellen has reached a giant milestone, kindergarten age.
when taylor began kindergarten SO many years ago now (she starts her junior year of high school this week! ) i was a full time working mom.  she had been lovingly cared for by my mom for her first 2 years, then a she attended preschool, and then kindergarten.  the letting go began early on for she and i.  when i had her i was young and single, and working was a necessity.  this time around motherhood has been completely different.  these babies planned and had in a time when i was afforded the great gift to be a stay at home momma.  thus forging a beautiful bond between kellen and i.  i can count on my hand how many days he and i have been apart in 5 years.  now the very thought of seeing him climb on a big yellow school bus and drive away from me for 8 hours has me so very broken up.  i knew it would come, i knew i would  miss him, i was unprepared for how it would hit me like a freight train.  i can't even type this without tears.  i feel like my heart is suddenly on the outside of my body, exposed, raw.  now HE on the other hand,  is super excited.  we have been talking about school and art and music and friends and teachers and buses and lunch boxes and playgrounds and recess and reading and he just lights up!  he comforts his sister by telling her he will get off the bus and "run into her arms" and then come home and be her teacher and teach her everything he learns at school.  (i will not be the only one missing him so)   he grabs my cheeks and tells me he will miss me and i will miss him, (he has NO idea how very much)  and  i nod and smile and fight back the waterworks with all my body.   so please be gentle with me this week.  i think perhaps i will post some of my favorite photos of kellen.  revel in all the time we have had together thus far, and plan a few extra special times for us this week.  thursday is his big orientation where we get to meet his teacher and classmates and take a bus ride together.  then next tuesday (after labor day weekend) he will climb that big yellow bus and ride to his next big adventure...   and i will smile and wave and be his very biggest cheerleader.   my heart will swell with pride and joy for him,  yet silently break all at the same time. 

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings.”  - Hodding Carter


i think i have forged some wonderful strong roots, i am struggling with the wings.

20 comments:

dottycookie said...

I could have written this post. My youngest starts school on Thursday and I am struggling to hold it together. She, on the other hand, could not be looking forward to it more.

Good luck for this week. We'll all be OK at the end of it.

Char said...

I'm sorry little momma - I cannot even imagine. You will be so proud.

Molly said...

i know all to well where you are - i was there one year ago. big hugs!

Shalet said...

Wrap yourself in something good (probably not bubble wrap). Have a fancy cup of coffee and sit with your emotions.

My youngest starts kindergarten this year too. But for us it will not be so hard. Kindergarten here is 2 1/2 hours long. By the time I drop her off it'll be time to pick her up again. Me - I'm the excited one. I plan to run. Grocery shop alone. Clean. Craft. But again - the time is short.

Big hugs from me to you!

Michele said...

I'm sorry. Last year, when I thought about sending my Z off to kindergarten, I would sit and cry about it.

Love this image of the two of you. You are beautiful.

Maegan Beishline said...

I'm sending you a big hug...

My eldest started Kindergarten last week and I had to close my home-based business for the entire month of August to prepare myself emotionally. I had a very hard time as well {although I don't even want to think about what I'll be feeling with my youngest!}. I'm better now that the band-aid is off...the first day was really tough.

I'll keep you in my prayers this week!

{I read your blog often but don't often have a free hand to comment...but your space is lovely!}

Maegan Beishline said...

P.S. I love that quote about giving them wings...I need to keep reminding myself about that!

Bluebirdbaby said...

Aw, hang in there mama! I was in your spot last fall. Now I have to go 4 days and nights without my little one. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wish I could say it gets better.
You two are so lucky to have the bond you have!!! Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you xoxoxoxoxo

Hay said...

Big hugs mama! Take all the time you need. xxxx

Paula said...

Oh dear, now you've made ME cry. I think about this all the time with Ray. You know how suddenly they are so big when the next little one comes along.

renee @ FIMBY said...

I loved this post. So personal and yet universally understood by all us mamas.

mames said...

roots and wings..it is beautiful that our children can give us both. you will be thought of this week by my mama heart as we bring the boys to their first school experience... i am totally cheating and working in the classroom the first day, just not that brave yet. hugs and kisses, you beautiful mama in maine.

xanthe said...

fighting back the tears myself, as your words bring back memories of last year, when my youngest went to school.

these are strong emotions, take care...

new chapters ahead, keep yourself busy and count the hours till they run back into your arms at the end of the day. your special times together don't go away, they are just changing...x.

Oliag said...

Beautifully written ... it did bring back memories... I do have to say that the sad sendoffs to kindergarten are just preparation for that sad sendoff to college...time flies indeed:)

Cynthia said...

I'm already thinking that I'll be a mess when that day comes and my baby boy isn't even born yet. Or maybe I'll be shouting hallelujah...haha. Thanks for sharing Kristin...sending you hugs and Kellen a super high five! I love that quote. Joel's grandmother embroidered that as a gift to my mother in law long ago.

andie said...

Oh angel, it will be ok!!! I promise, promise, promise.

You will be a pta momma now and volunteer in his class and when you see him having a grand ol' time with his friends you will BEAM!

When you go to teacher conferences and they say, what an amazing kid he is you will BEAM!

When he comes off that school bus every day and hands you work he is so very proud of you will BEAM!

I promise. It will be great.

(((((hugs)))))

Anonymous said...

Like so many togethers in the first years of their lives, I wish we were going through this together. Two sweet, strong, giggly little ones ready for an adventure and two blubbering mamas on each others shoulders like you have done for me so many times. I miss you, but with you in spirit.
xoxo Amy

kristin said...

thank you everyone.
and amy oh how i wish we were sharing this journey side by side. i really could use a good lean on you. plus seeing kellen scamper off with fiona would have been a dream.
xo to you amy!
i am with ya in spirit too

Diane said...

OH, I'm all teary now, too. Bwah. Kellen will go off and have great adventures and you and Casey will hit a new stride, I bet. You and the girl will have some fine times just the girls and then Mr. Kellen will come back home and the gang will be together again! I think you and Casey should go out for a coffee and a treat as soon as that first bus drives off...

elk said...

thinking of you ...i am so glad he is excited, you have laid such a beautiful foundation Kristin, that is a gift you have given him...take good care.